I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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