I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
