it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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