Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
handjob tips. give me some.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
