is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
