how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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