ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
wanna go halves on a baby?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
