You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
