My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
