Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
