I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
