You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
