that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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