i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
