South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
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You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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