I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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