It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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