I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
