I wish I could teleport
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
