Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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