nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
