I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
