my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just high enough for therapy.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
