There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
