JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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