You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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