she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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