So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize