And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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