Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
