He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
