how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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