dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So much Jack, so little girl.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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