like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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