you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
