I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
