He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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