Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
