and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
