why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You may now shotgun with the bride
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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