mondays should just be called national damage control day
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
