My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
