you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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