Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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