Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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