I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
