WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
