wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
