Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I met the friendliest cop last night
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
