Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
