tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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