Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
