She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
