i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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