Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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