omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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