I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
