why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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