Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
