come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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