you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
