If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
