i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
