So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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