Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize