Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize