I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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