ugly people sure do ruin things
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
