Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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