I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
