I smell stomach acid.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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