I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
