yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My cat gives me a boner
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I need a burrito and a hug.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
