We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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