I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
