Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
