i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize