So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
