I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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